Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
