Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
