I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You ate ashes out of my bong
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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