Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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