Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
