hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
