not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
