I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
