have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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