Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
