my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
