He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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