I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize