You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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