I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
only if we run a train.
done.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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