so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
