fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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