I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
