i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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