I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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