the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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