it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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