if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
