Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
