Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
