tell your sister to shave her snatch
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
