You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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