At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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