Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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