It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
