Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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