yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
