Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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