spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
