Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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