She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
