They should really pass out barf bags in church
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize