I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
