So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
