Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
grandma shit on top of the toilet
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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