i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
