In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
