How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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