After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
