Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
