Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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