Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
