do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize