DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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