Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wear drunk well.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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