so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and she was petting her beer can
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
All the doctor said was why
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
