puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
