Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize