Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize