If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
