my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
