My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize