you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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