If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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