It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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