Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
