i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
